The word for the seventh installment of this exercise was fault. The first thing that came to mind was earthquakes because of fault lines. I live in California, after all, and Lex Luthor would have sank us into the ocean because of those pesky fault lines if it hadn't been for you, Superman!
Erhm... sorry about that. Anyway, there's also the fact that you can't turn on the television without somebody famous asking you to donate money to the relief efforts in Haiti. Not that I'm complaining about that or anything, mind you. I'm just saying... I've got earthquakes on the brain. But I inevitably decided to go in a different direction. My last two scripts were pretty heavy on the panel description and light on the dialogue, so I decided to reverse course and drive this puppy with the talking heads.
PAGE ONE
Panel 1. A young man named Carlson is sitting in one of those swiveling, ergonomic office chairs at his workstation in a nondescript cubicle. He is wearing a long-sleeved, button-up, collared shirt with a tie and slacks. Office work clothes. He is busily typing away at the computer sitting on his workstation. There is an office phone with a display of buttons sitting close at hand on the workstation, and the workstation itself and the walls of the cubicle are decorated with photos, a cup of pens, coffee mug, stapler, and other assorted odds and ends necessary to survive a day of work spent in a cubicle. We should be looking at Carlson from an angle that provides us a view of the top of the cubicle. An attractive female intern is strolling past Carlson’s cubicle as he works. It is important that we’re able to see this over the top of the cubicle as it sets up the next panel.
Panel 2. Another young man named Johnson is peering over the wall of Carlson’s cubicle and speaking to Carlson. Carlson has stopped working and is looking up at Johnson inquisitively.
JOHNSON:
Better keep your head down today, Carlson.
CARLSON:
Why? What’s going on?
Panel 3. Johnson is entering the cubicle, and Carlson has swiveled in his chair slightly to regard Johnson. Johnson seems slightly unkempt in contrast to the neater Carlson. Johnson’s shirt isn’t tucked in very well, wrinkles in his clothing, and maybe his hair is a little disheveled. Stuff like that.
JOHNSON:
The boss is on the warpath. He wants somebody’s head on a platter.
CARLSON:
I guess that’s better than having it on a spit.
Panel 4. Johnson is holding a pen upright in his closed fist as if he would hold a tiny sword or a spear (or a pike!). Carlson is looking at the pen and smiling slightly.
JOHNSON:
Yeah, or a pike.
CARLSON:
Yeah--so what happened?
Panel 5. Johnson is shrugging his shoulders as he speaks to Carlson. Carlson is barely paying attention to Johnson now, fiddling absent-mindedly with one of the objects on his desk.
JOHNSON:
Aw, you know--the usual. Some document didn’t get faxed on time and he got chewed out for it, so now he’s trying to figure out whose fault it was so he can do some chewing of his own.
CARLSON:
That figures. So what was the document?
Panel 6. Johnson is leaning casually against the wall of Carlson’s cubicle as he speaks to him. Carlson has turned around to face Johnson again, and this time he’s much more interested in what Johnson has to say. He’s leaning forward slightly in his chair.
JOHNSON:
One of the quarterly reports for the Peterson file.
CARLSON:
Aw, crap. I was doing work on the Peterson file.
JOHNSON:
I know it. That’s why I’m over here. I tried to warn Jennings, but he already got called in. I’m sure the boss man is reaming him a new one as we speak.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1. Carlson has leaned back in his chair, slightly relieved. Johnson is still leaning against Carlson’s cubicle, but his arms are crossed in front of his chest now.
CARLSON:
Oh, okay. So it should be cool then, right?
JOHNSON:
Only if Jennings says it was on him. He’s the third victim this morning. Simmons and Polanski already took their beatings. I saw them a few minutes ago looking like walking wounded.
Panel 2. Carlson has thrown his hands into the air in frustration and turned away from Johnson. Johnson is watching him with a thin smile.
CARLSON:
Well that’s just great. I sure as hell hope it was Jennings that did it, because I wasn’t asked to fax any documents for the Peterson file.
JOHNSON:
Oh, I know it wasn’t you. I’m the one that was supposed to fax the file.
Panel 3. Carlson is looking back at Johnson with an incredulous expression. Johnson has dropped down to one knee so he is at Carlson’s level.
CARLSON:
What? Johnson, if you’re the one that was supposed to do it, why are you letting the boss go on his rampage?
JOHNSON:
Because if somebody else says it was their fault, then I’m in the clear.
Panel 4. Carlson is looking at Johnson with a flat expression. Johnson is still smiling faintly.
Panel 5. Same panel as before, only now Carlson is animated as he berates Johnson.
CARLSON:
Are you kidding me right now? That’s seriously messed up.
Panel 6. Johnson is using the flat edge of one of his hands and making a chopping motion into the flat palm of his other hand. Carlson is pointing an accusing finger at Johnson.
JOHNSON:
I’m dead serious, man. I really don’t want to take the fall for this one. I think I’m on the chopping block as it is if you know what I’m saying.
CARLSON:
So why are you telling me then? I could just walk in there and tell the boss it was your fault.
Panel 7. Johnson is looking at Carlson with a smug grin. Carlson looks like he wants to amck it off of Johnson’s face.
JOHNSON:
Yeah, but you won’t do that.
CARLSON:
Why the hell not?
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. Johnson is shrugging and speaking in a casual, carefree manner again.
JOHNSON:
Because you’re a nice guy, C-money. If you go tell the boss it was my fault, I’ll get fired. And if I get fired, I’ll be out of a job. And if I’m out of a job, I’ll have to look for a new one. And I obviously won’t be able to use this one as a reference--because I got fired. It might take me months to get a new job, and I’m living paycheck to paycheck as it is.
Panel 2. Carlson is incredulous again as he reacts to what Johnson just said. Johnson is holding up the index and middle fingers of one of his hands to indicate the number two to Carlson.
CARLSON:
You make more than I do!
JOHNSON:
True--but I got expenses, man. Did you know I’m divorced with two kids?
CARLSON:
You’re twenty-four years old!
Panel 3. Johnson is shrugging in his easygoing, infuriating manner again. Carlson is rolling his eyes.
JOHNSON:
What can I say? I matured early in life.
CARLSON:
That’s debatable.
Panel 4. The phone sitting on Carlson’s workstation is ringing, and both Carlson and Johnson are looking at it like deer caught in the headlights.
SFX:
Breeet. Breeet.
Panel 5. Johnson is nudging Carlson gently with his elbow and gesturing with his chin in the direction of the phone. Carlson is glaring icily at Johnson.
SFX:
Breeet. Breeet.
JOHNSON:
You should probably answer that, man. Could be the boss.
CARLSON:
Mmm, yeah. Thanks for that.
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1. Carlson has his finger extended and is pushing a button on the phone. Johnson is watching Carlson with a pleading expression as he talks to the receptionist.
CARLSON:
This is Carlson.
PHONE:
Mr. Carlson--Mr. Winters would like to see you in his office.
CARLSON:
Okay--thanks, Judy.
Panel 2. Carlson has dropped his face into his hands. Johnson is gripping Carlson on the shoulder and shaking him lightly. The expression on Johnson’s face is bright and encouraging.
CARLSON:
Ugh. I really hate you, dude.
JOHNSON:
C’mon, big guy. Just take one for the team. You can handle that stodgy prick way better than me. And I know he’d never fire you. You’re like his golden boy.
Panel 3. Carlson has whirled on Johnson and is pointing a finger at him menacingly. Johnson has drawn back somewhat with his hands raised to about face level with the palms facing outward toward Carlson, trying to look as harmless as possible.
CARLSON:
If you’re trying to flatter me, calling me golden boy ain’t the way to get it done--and I’m not taking one for the team, Johnson. I’m taking one for your sorry ass.
Panel 4. Carlson is pushing his chair away from his workstation and the crouching Johnson. Johnson is looking at Carlson with supreme gratitude, as Carlson has finally relented.
JOHNSON:
So you’re actually gonna do it?
CARLSON:
Yes, Johnson. I’m actually going to do it.
Panel 5. Johnson is pumping his fist with one hand as he uses Carlson’s chair to help him get to his feet. Carlson is already standing, and he is looking at something outside of the entrance of the cubicle that we cannot see. His face is surprised and mortified.
JOHNSON:
Yes! You’re the man, Carlson. I won’t forget this!
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1. Mr. Winters is standing just outside of Carlson’s cubicle. Carlson is using one hand to scratch absently at the back of his head as he tries to think of something (anything!) to say. Johnson is on his feet now and sees Mr. Winters too. He’s reacting with disappointment at having been caught, slapping the palm of one of his hands to his forehead. Mr. Winters is holding a mug of steaming coffee in one of his hands, and he’s fuming nearly as bad as the piping hot drink.
CARLSON:
Oh, uh--hey, Mr. Winters, sir. Have you been here long?
JOHNSON:
Ah, crap.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
It's your world, squirrel
I've been noticing lately that this blog has become completely devoted to my experiences concerning the Digital Webbing Presents - Future Fairy Tales project and my oneword.com script exercises. I really haven't talked about much of anything else since the Zuda project I was working on fell through. I think the reason for that is actually because the Zuda project fell through. I'm one of those writers that sometimes has a hard time talking about what he's working on because I'll talk and talk... and talk about it instead of, y'know, actually working on it. I'm actively working against those tendencies this year with the one word project, but I still have this little bug of a fear whispering in my ear that tells me that if I keep blabbering on and on about the stuff I'm working on I'll psyche myself out of doing it.
And this is even if talking about it didn't derail the project. The Zuda project, for instance, wasn't tabled because I lost my motivation or anything like that. The script was written, it was in the hands of the artist, and all systems were go. It's just that once the artist started producing I realized things weren't working out. The styles didn't match. And that happens sometimes, and it's better to figure that out right at the start rather than months down the line after everybody's time has been wasted. Dario Carrasco did the original designs for the concept, with a very distinct style, and the artist we were working with was taking things in an entirely different direction. And the direction was so different that I don't think the project would have stood much of a chance at Zuda if we'd submitted it. Not that I'm saying the art was bad, or that the script wasn't good enough -- but I honestly feel like things really have to mesh if you're going to create a successful comic. The story has to compliment the art and the art has to compliment the story or readers will notice. They might not notice it right away, but in a competitive atmosphere like Zuda where every vote counts you can't leave anything to chance.
So I didn't. And I feel like it was the right decision. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing enough to make an impact as a writer. I'm not writing enough, and I'm not taking advantage of the resources that are available to me. Zuda is a resource, for example, and I should be tapping it for all I'm worth and all that. But that's another issue that I'm working to solve as I continue to produce this year. What are my goals, and what is the most likely path to achieving them? If I can't figure that out, all the one word scripts and anthology stories and Zuda submissions in the world aren't going to amount to much. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I'm working on it. I'm gradually chipping away at this massive slab of granite to carve out a niche for myself. And there's always this temptation to take a jackhammer to it instead, to take shortcuts that will get you to whatever you percieve as the finish line a little bit faster. But if you use that jackhammer it's possible you'll end up with formless hunks of rock instead of a polished sculpture at the end of your labors. You'll get to that finish line, but you won't have grown from the experience, and you won't be prepared for the next arduous race.
So for now I'm just writing. I'm plugging away as gradually as I can while I figure out all the rest of it. And I'm all right with that. It's not my world, after all. I don't need the whole thing. I'm just trying to get a nut.
And this is even if talking about it didn't derail the project. The Zuda project, for instance, wasn't tabled because I lost my motivation or anything like that. The script was written, it was in the hands of the artist, and all systems were go. It's just that once the artist started producing I realized things weren't working out. The styles didn't match. And that happens sometimes, and it's better to figure that out right at the start rather than months down the line after everybody's time has been wasted. Dario Carrasco did the original designs for the concept, with a very distinct style, and the artist we were working with was taking things in an entirely different direction. And the direction was so different that I don't think the project would have stood much of a chance at Zuda if we'd submitted it. Not that I'm saying the art was bad, or that the script wasn't good enough -- but I honestly feel like things really have to mesh if you're going to create a successful comic. The story has to compliment the art and the art has to compliment the story or readers will notice. They might not notice it right away, but in a competitive atmosphere like Zuda where every vote counts you can't leave anything to chance.
So I didn't. And I feel like it was the right decision. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing enough to make an impact as a writer. I'm not writing enough, and I'm not taking advantage of the resources that are available to me. Zuda is a resource, for example, and I should be tapping it for all I'm worth and all that. But that's another issue that I'm working to solve as I continue to produce this year. What are my goals, and what is the most likely path to achieving them? If I can't figure that out, all the one word scripts and anthology stories and Zuda submissions in the world aren't going to amount to much. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I'm working on it. I'm gradually chipping away at this massive slab of granite to carve out a niche for myself. And there's always this temptation to take a jackhammer to it instead, to take shortcuts that will get you to whatever you percieve as the finish line a little bit faster. But if you use that jackhammer it's possible you'll end up with formless hunks of rock instead of a polished sculpture at the end of your labors. You'll get to that finish line, but you won't have grown from the experience, and you won't be prepared for the next arduous race.
So for now I'm just writing. I'm plugging away as gradually as I can while I figure out all the rest of it. And I'm all right with that. It's not my world, after all. I don't need the whole thing. I'm just trying to get a nut.
Monday, February 22, 2010
The DWPFF Journey - Part 7
The last time we talked about the "Digital Webbing Presents - Future Fairy Tales" project, I mentioned that I'd sent another script to my editor, Chris Stevens. This script had an ending that consisted of a colleague of the father of the little boy in the story narrating the tale as a history lesson to a classroom of students, all with nanobot pets of their own. My idea for this was that once the nanobot mongoose saved the little boy, it was used as a template to revolutionize medical care. So all of the students needed to form a loving bond with their own nanobot pets as well, and the classroom scene was what I used to visualize it. I liked the idea of the relationship between the little boy and the nanobot changing things for the better, and I felt like the climax of the story was pretty good. I'd even heard positive things about the ending from Chris prior to writing it, as we'd brainstormed the idea together.
So I sent the script in, and I waited for Chris to get back to me. The addition of the classroom ending swelled the script back up to 12 pages. The first script, also 12 pages, had been sent on the 7th of November, and all the tweaks we'd made cutting it down to 8 pages and then eventually ramping it back up to 12 pages took around two weeks. By the time Chris had the latest script in hand, it was the 21st of November and it was getting to the point where we needed this to be done so we could find an artist to bring it to life. Chris got back to me the next day, and this is the email he sent...
I like this, Mike. Time to show it to artists!
...
That's it!? Yeah, that's right--because I'm the paranoid sort, I thought this was entirely too simple an email. The egotistical writer in me was thrilled that Chris liked the script, but something about the brevity of the email gave me pause. I knew Chris was busy, but it was an itch I just had to scratch. So I sent the following...
I'm glad you like it, Chris. I was actually expecting you to knock me down a peg or two, as I don't think it matches up at all to the scripts you and J-Rod put together.
J-Rod is another uber-talented writer/editor named Jason Rodriguez who was also contributing a story for the project, his based on Pinnochio, but talking about his and Chris' and some of the other entires out there is another post entirely. At any rate, I'd thrown down the gauntlet, and Chris - and I'll always be thankful to him for doing this - responded in kind.
If I was going to be tough I'd want more of a connection to the source material. But the script works, has a good heart, and to be honest, I need to get these scripts all out of the way. If it was September I'd be asking you to get more Rikki Tikki in there.
Okay, everybody... I want you to imagine for a moment that you're this massive blue whale. I'm talking about the undisputed king of the sea. Sharks see you, and they turn tailfin and run like little baby seals approached by a clubber. You're swimming out in the ocean having the time of your life, self-assured in the fact that you're the biggest, baddest mammal on the planet and nothing could possibly challenge you...
And then you're harpooned.
It was literally like a punch to the gut. Like a kick to the balls. The story, as I'd written it, worked. It did. It had a good heart. It was a heartfelt story that worked. I'm telling you it worked liked gangbusters. But it WASN'T RIKKI TIKKI TAVI! In my absolute and overwhelming desire to create this entertaining, clever story, I'd shuffled away from the essence of the original entertaining, clever story. I'd written a script that only connected to the original Rikki Tikki Tavi by including something that looked kind of similar to a mongoose. That was basically it. I knew, right there and then, that I couldn't let it end like this. So I emailed Chris, and I told him that I wished it was September. And he emailed me back and told me that if I could write another draft of the script in a day or two that he'd look it over, but that a day or two would be all the time I'd have because time was of the essence. Chris told me this on the 23rd of November, and by the 26th of November I had re-written the entire 12-page script. Was this the one? Had I finally accomplished what I'd set out to do from the very beginning, and written a proper ode to Rudyard Kipling's masterpiece? We'll discuss that next time!
So I sent the script in, and I waited for Chris to get back to me. The addition of the classroom ending swelled the script back up to 12 pages. The first script, also 12 pages, had been sent on the 7th of November, and all the tweaks we'd made cutting it down to 8 pages and then eventually ramping it back up to 12 pages took around two weeks. By the time Chris had the latest script in hand, it was the 21st of November and it was getting to the point where we needed this to be done so we could find an artist to bring it to life. Chris got back to me the next day, and this is the email he sent...
I like this, Mike. Time to show it to artists!
...
That's it!? Yeah, that's right--because I'm the paranoid sort, I thought this was entirely too simple an email. The egotistical writer in me was thrilled that Chris liked the script, but something about the brevity of the email gave me pause. I knew Chris was busy, but it was an itch I just had to scratch. So I sent the following...
I'm glad you like it, Chris. I was actually expecting you to knock me down a peg or two, as I don't think it matches up at all to the scripts you and J-Rod put together.
J-Rod is another uber-talented writer/editor named Jason Rodriguez who was also contributing a story for the project, his based on Pinnochio, but talking about his and Chris' and some of the other entires out there is another post entirely. At any rate, I'd thrown down the gauntlet, and Chris - and I'll always be thankful to him for doing this - responded in kind.
If I was going to be tough I'd want more of a connection to the source material. But the script works, has a good heart, and to be honest, I need to get these scripts all out of the way. If it was September I'd be asking you to get more Rikki Tikki in there.
Okay, everybody... I want you to imagine for a moment that you're this massive blue whale. I'm talking about the undisputed king of the sea. Sharks see you, and they turn tailfin and run like little baby seals approached by a clubber. You're swimming out in the ocean having the time of your life, self-assured in the fact that you're the biggest, baddest mammal on the planet and nothing could possibly challenge you...
And then you're harpooned.
It was literally like a punch to the gut. Like a kick to the balls. The story, as I'd written it, worked. It did. It had a good heart. It was a heartfelt story that worked. I'm telling you it worked liked gangbusters. But it WASN'T RIKKI TIKKI TAVI! In my absolute and overwhelming desire to create this entertaining, clever story, I'd shuffled away from the essence of the original entertaining, clever story. I'd written a script that only connected to the original Rikki Tikki Tavi by including something that looked kind of similar to a mongoose. That was basically it. I knew, right there and then, that I couldn't let it end like this. So I emailed Chris, and I told him that I wished it was September. And he emailed me back and told me that if I could write another draft of the script in a day or two that he'd look it over, but that a day or two would be all the time I'd have because time was of the essence. Chris told me this on the 23rd of November, and by the 26th of November I had re-written the entire 12-page script. Was this the one? Had I finally accomplished what I'd set out to do from the very beginning, and written a proper ode to Rudyard Kipling's masterpiece? We'll discuss that next time!
Friday, February 19, 2010
ONE WORD - WEEK 6 - BLADE
So the word for week six of this experiment was blade. I didn't decide what I was going to write about until Wednesday night. I visited the oneword.com website on Monday as I normally do, and I got my word with no problem, but nothing really came to mind until I was more than halfway through the week. And although at three pages this is, by far, the shortest script I've written for this project, I'm still fairly satisfied with it. I'm not sure how much more I could have done to beef up the story, especially considering what I chose to write about and how I chose to approach it.
PAGE ONE
Panel 1. We’re looking at a cityscape with a park located smack dab in the middle of it. Buildings frame the trees and lawns of the park on all sides.
CAPTION:
Once upon a time there was a city. And in this city there was a park.
Panel 2. We’re looking at a beautiful meadow of grass near a walking/riding trail in the park. A sign is posted in the meadow of grass that reads “Keep Off”.
CAPTION:
And in this park there was a meadow. And in this meadow there was an abundance of grass.
Panel 3. We’re at the level of the individual blades of grass now. They are tall and lush and crisscrossing one another. We shouldn’t be able to see the ground the grass is springing up from though. It’s more like we’re looking up at the grass from the ground.
CAPTION:
The grass in this particular meadow was lush and vibrant, and it was not uncommon for people to admire it as they strolled by. This made the grass proud--and it grew as high and as fast as it could to please its admirers.
Panel 4. Now we’re truly at ground level, and smack dab in the middle of the long blades of grass is a much shorter blade of grass. The longer blades of grass tower over this short blade of grass, making it seem rather insignificant.
CAPTION:
All except for one little blade of grass.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1. The long blades of grass are in the foreground, and in the background we can see a trail leading off into the distance with people jogging, walking dogs, or taking a stroll on it.
CAPTION:
The longer blades of grass tried to convince the little blade of grass to grow with them so that it could experience the adulation of man’s admiration.
Panel 2. The tall blades of grass are blowing happily in the wind, and the small blade of grass is barely being ruffled by the wind at all.
CAPTION:
Or to grow to their height so that the small blade of grass could feel the same exhilaration they felt as the wind swept over them.
Panel 3. Rain is falling on the tall blades of grass and the small blade of grass, running down their sleek frames and collecting on the spongy ground.
CAPTION:
But even though he got his fair share of rain and sunshine the small blade of grass simply refused to grow.
Panel 4. The long blades of grass are surrounding the small blade of grass tightly on all sides.
CAPTION:
And when the long blades of grass mocked the short blade of grass for his diminutive size, and asked him why he didn’t grow like the rest of them, the short blade of grass simply replied--
Panel 5. Close in on the short blade of grass.
CAPTION:
I know something you don’t know.
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. A man is in the park near the meadow and is wrestling a lawnmower out of the opened back end of his pickup truck. The truck is parked on the walking/running trail, and there are orange cones warning any possible pedestrians to keep back.
CAPTION:
And so it was that one day a different sort of man arrived at the meadow in the park--a man the long blades of grass had never seen before. And the man brought along with him a machine.
Panel 2. The man is systematically mowing the meadow with the “Keep Off” sign. He’s already mowed a good portion of the meadow row-by-row, and is in the process of cutting another row.
CAPTION:
And with this machine the man provided the long blades of grass with a new experience to talk about to the small blade of grass. For in their vanity, the long blades of grass had grown too long, and were no longer admired as they once had been.
Panel 3. The man is mopping his brow as he admires the freshly cut lawn. The hand he’s not using to mop his brow is resting on the inactive lawnmower as he leans against it. The back end of the pickup truck is still open, and there is a cool drink sitting on it waiting to be tasted.
CAPTION:
Now because of the man and his machine the long blades of grass were long no longer, and when the man was finished using his machine he admired his handiwork with pride.
Panel 4. The long blades of grass have been chopped down to the size of the small blade of grass. Their tops are ragged and stumpy now, but the small blade of grass has been unaffected by the havoc the lawnmower has wreaked.
CAPTION:
The long blades of grass were dismayed. Their sleek and sweeping frames had been reduced to ragged stumps. The only one of them that could genuinely call itself a blade of grass was the little blade of grass, which was so small it hadn’t been touched. And as the long blades of grass wept over their misfortune, the small blade of grass could think of only one thing to say--
Panel 5. Close in on the small blade of grass surrounded by the mangled blades of grass around it.
CAPTION:
Told you so.
PAGE ONE
Panel 1. We’re looking at a cityscape with a park located smack dab in the middle of it. Buildings frame the trees and lawns of the park on all sides.
CAPTION:
Once upon a time there was a city. And in this city there was a park.
Panel 2. We’re looking at a beautiful meadow of grass near a walking/riding trail in the park. A sign is posted in the meadow of grass that reads “Keep Off”.
CAPTION:
And in this park there was a meadow. And in this meadow there was an abundance of grass.
Panel 3. We’re at the level of the individual blades of grass now. They are tall and lush and crisscrossing one another. We shouldn’t be able to see the ground the grass is springing up from though. It’s more like we’re looking up at the grass from the ground.
CAPTION:
The grass in this particular meadow was lush and vibrant, and it was not uncommon for people to admire it as they strolled by. This made the grass proud--and it grew as high and as fast as it could to please its admirers.
Panel 4. Now we’re truly at ground level, and smack dab in the middle of the long blades of grass is a much shorter blade of grass. The longer blades of grass tower over this short blade of grass, making it seem rather insignificant.
CAPTION:
All except for one little blade of grass.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1. The long blades of grass are in the foreground, and in the background we can see a trail leading off into the distance with people jogging, walking dogs, or taking a stroll on it.
CAPTION:
The longer blades of grass tried to convince the little blade of grass to grow with them so that it could experience the adulation of man’s admiration.
Panel 2. The tall blades of grass are blowing happily in the wind, and the small blade of grass is barely being ruffled by the wind at all.
CAPTION:
Or to grow to their height so that the small blade of grass could feel the same exhilaration they felt as the wind swept over them.
Panel 3. Rain is falling on the tall blades of grass and the small blade of grass, running down their sleek frames and collecting on the spongy ground.
CAPTION:
But even though he got his fair share of rain and sunshine the small blade of grass simply refused to grow.
Panel 4. The long blades of grass are surrounding the small blade of grass tightly on all sides.
CAPTION:
And when the long blades of grass mocked the short blade of grass for his diminutive size, and asked him why he didn’t grow like the rest of them, the short blade of grass simply replied--
Panel 5. Close in on the short blade of grass.
CAPTION:
I know something you don’t know.
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. A man is in the park near the meadow and is wrestling a lawnmower out of the opened back end of his pickup truck. The truck is parked on the walking/running trail, and there are orange cones warning any possible pedestrians to keep back.
CAPTION:
And so it was that one day a different sort of man arrived at the meadow in the park--a man the long blades of grass had never seen before. And the man brought along with him a machine.
Panel 2. The man is systematically mowing the meadow with the “Keep Off” sign. He’s already mowed a good portion of the meadow row-by-row, and is in the process of cutting another row.
CAPTION:
And with this machine the man provided the long blades of grass with a new experience to talk about to the small blade of grass. For in their vanity, the long blades of grass had grown too long, and were no longer admired as they once had been.
Panel 3. The man is mopping his brow as he admires the freshly cut lawn. The hand he’s not using to mop his brow is resting on the inactive lawnmower as he leans against it. The back end of the pickup truck is still open, and there is a cool drink sitting on it waiting to be tasted.
CAPTION:
Now because of the man and his machine the long blades of grass were long no longer, and when the man was finished using his machine he admired his handiwork with pride.
Panel 4. The long blades of grass have been chopped down to the size of the small blade of grass. Their tops are ragged and stumpy now, but the small blade of grass has been unaffected by the havoc the lawnmower has wreaked.
CAPTION:
The long blades of grass were dismayed. Their sleek and sweeping frames had been reduced to ragged stumps. The only one of them that could genuinely call itself a blade of grass was the little blade of grass, which was so small it hadn’t been touched. And as the long blades of grass wept over their misfortune, the small blade of grass could think of only one thing to say--
Panel 5. Close in on the small blade of grass surrounded by the mangled blades of grass around it.
CAPTION:
Told you so.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The DWPFF Journey - Part 6
Holiday yesterday, so I didn't have the chance to get around to the DWPFF entry until today. The last time we talked about the DWPFF project I mentioned how the editors, Chris Stevens and James Powell, had provided me with enough guidance to start the first draft of my script. And they really did. Based on all the information I'd received from them, and primarily from James, I wrote up a new synopsis for the story that went a little something like this...
A brilliant doctor that has designed nanobots with the potential to cure any type of disease is sidetracked when his son is plagued with cancer and a brain tumor. The nanobots fail to cure his son, and the doctor decides to spend all his free time making his son as happy as possible before the end. A friend and colleague of the doctor visits hoping to convince him to continue his work and get his son the best treatment available. The doctor would rather his son be as happy as possible before the end, and so he reprogrammed the nanobots to be a companion to his son. The son has a seizure or stroke or something, and the doctors bring the boy inside for treatment. The nanobot pet sneaks into the room of the son, and the doctors notice it just as it disperses and enters the boy’s body. The nanobots journey with the boy in his memories, battling against the cancer and the brain tumor as the two doctors observe from the outside. Eventually the nanobots prevail against the sicknesses and the boy comes out of his coma revitalized and healthy. The doctors marvel at the intelligence of the nanobots, and realize that all that was necessary for them to work properly was the love of the little boy.
My idea was for the two snakes to be the two fatal diseases the boy had. One snake would be cancer, and the other snake would be a brain tumor. I decided that the father of the boy would design the nanites first, hoping to revolutionize the medical industry, and that his son getting sick would just be a coincidence. The nanites would fail, resulting in the father forming them into a robot to be a companion for his son. Eventually the son would have an attack or seizure of some sort, and the nanobot would overcome its limitations and save him.
At any rate, looking back on this now I see that it has some of the same problems my earlier efforts had. But at the time I thought it was pretty perfect and was told to go forward with it. This was in late September of last year. When I finally submitted my first draft of the script it was early November. Keep in mind that the script was only twelve pages long. One of the biggest problems I've had in becoming a writer is procrastination. I will always (always!) find something else to do before I write. For the first time, this year, I'm actively working against this terrible habit. I'm finding some success with the "one word" project that is seeping into other writing projects. But to say that I'm completely cured would be false (I could have written this entry yesterday, remember?). Last year was probably one of the roughest years I've had as a writer, and this script might have never been finished if Chris Stevens hadn't emailed me in late October to tell me that he'd be coming back aboard as my editor.
I'm pretty sure James had grown tired of not hearing from me. He'd asked me for a longer synopsis, page breakdowns, and given me plenty of food for thought--and I'd responded by not responding. I think the only thing I'll ever regret about this experience is squandering the chance to interact more with James Powell. He is a wonderful editor, and I really dropped the ball. Once Chris contacted me I sent him the synopsis above, and while I feel certain he had issues with it, he asked me to get a script together based on it as quickly as possible. Chris emailed me on the 25th of October. The last time I'd talked to anybody about the project was in late September. Chris was hoping I'd be able to get a first draft to him by the 1st of November, but I didn't end up sending him the script until the 7th.
The script wasn't all that bad. Chris said that he rather enjoyed it once it got moving, and in that spirit he asked me to cut the story down a bit so that it moved along a little quicker. Instead of fighting two diseases one after the other, Chris asked me to cut it down to one. The basic idea being that I was pretty much just telling the same story twice in one script. The original script I wrote took up the entire 12-page limit, so I cut the second scene of the nanobot vs. the disease and brought the page count down to 8. Once I'd done that I sent the script back to Chris. He still wasn't entirely satisfied. First, there wasn't enough interaction between the boy and his father. And second, I'd introduced a character that never appeared in the original Rikki Tikki Tavi story--the colleague of the father. My idea was for the colleague to be a counter-point to the way the father was dealing with his son's sickness. Where the father knew curing the disease was hopeless and just wanted his son to be as happy as possible before the end, the colleague spent his time arguing that treatment was still a viable option, and that perhaps the father could perfect his design of the nanites in the meantime. I felt like I needed a foil beyond the "snakes" because a strong portion of the story took place before the boy succumbed to his symptoms.
Chris didn't have a huge problem with the inclusion of the colleague in the script. What he had a problem with was my choice to make the colleague the driving force behind the story. The colleague was the one who witnessed the miraculous recovery of the boy, along with the father, and the colleague was the one who provided the narratative at the end. It was a larger role than the character needed to have. Chris and I butted heads over it for a while, at one point considering setting the ending in a classroom, years after the nanobot had saved the boy, with the colleague as a teacher instructing a roomful of youngsters all with their own nanobot pets. We'd even gotten to the point where I wrote a script with that exact ending. But when I sent it to Chris, fully expecting him to love it body and soul (even though I had my own reservations about it), he sent me back an email that changed everything. And we'll talk about that email and what came of the story because of it next time.
A brilliant doctor that has designed nanobots with the potential to cure any type of disease is sidetracked when his son is plagued with cancer and a brain tumor. The nanobots fail to cure his son, and the doctor decides to spend all his free time making his son as happy as possible before the end. A friend and colleague of the doctor visits hoping to convince him to continue his work and get his son the best treatment available. The doctor would rather his son be as happy as possible before the end, and so he reprogrammed the nanobots to be a companion to his son. The son has a seizure or stroke or something, and the doctors bring the boy inside for treatment. The nanobot pet sneaks into the room of the son, and the doctors notice it just as it disperses and enters the boy’s body. The nanobots journey with the boy in his memories, battling against the cancer and the brain tumor as the two doctors observe from the outside. Eventually the nanobots prevail against the sicknesses and the boy comes out of his coma revitalized and healthy. The doctors marvel at the intelligence of the nanobots, and realize that all that was necessary for them to work properly was the love of the little boy.
My idea was for the two snakes to be the two fatal diseases the boy had. One snake would be cancer, and the other snake would be a brain tumor. I decided that the father of the boy would design the nanites first, hoping to revolutionize the medical industry, and that his son getting sick would just be a coincidence. The nanites would fail, resulting in the father forming them into a robot to be a companion for his son. Eventually the son would have an attack or seizure of some sort, and the nanobot would overcome its limitations and save him.
At any rate, looking back on this now I see that it has some of the same problems my earlier efforts had. But at the time I thought it was pretty perfect and was told to go forward with it. This was in late September of last year. When I finally submitted my first draft of the script it was early November. Keep in mind that the script was only twelve pages long. One of the biggest problems I've had in becoming a writer is procrastination. I will always (always!) find something else to do before I write. For the first time, this year, I'm actively working against this terrible habit. I'm finding some success with the "one word" project that is seeping into other writing projects. But to say that I'm completely cured would be false (I could have written this entry yesterday, remember?). Last year was probably one of the roughest years I've had as a writer, and this script might have never been finished if Chris Stevens hadn't emailed me in late October to tell me that he'd be coming back aboard as my editor.
I'm pretty sure James had grown tired of not hearing from me. He'd asked me for a longer synopsis, page breakdowns, and given me plenty of food for thought--and I'd responded by not responding. I think the only thing I'll ever regret about this experience is squandering the chance to interact more with James Powell. He is a wonderful editor, and I really dropped the ball. Once Chris contacted me I sent him the synopsis above, and while I feel certain he had issues with it, he asked me to get a script together based on it as quickly as possible. Chris emailed me on the 25th of October. The last time I'd talked to anybody about the project was in late September. Chris was hoping I'd be able to get a first draft to him by the 1st of November, but I didn't end up sending him the script until the 7th.
The script wasn't all that bad. Chris said that he rather enjoyed it once it got moving, and in that spirit he asked me to cut the story down a bit so that it moved along a little quicker. Instead of fighting two diseases one after the other, Chris asked me to cut it down to one. The basic idea being that I was pretty much just telling the same story twice in one script. The original script I wrote took up the entire 12-page limit, so I cut the second scene of the nanobot vs. the disease and brought the page count down to 8. Once I'd done that I sent the script back to Chris. He still wasn't entirely satisfied. First, there wasn't enough interaction between the boy and his father. And second, I'd introduced a character that never appeared in the original Rikki Tikki Tavi story--the colleague of the father. My idea was for the colleague to be a counter-point to the way the father was dealing with his son's sickness. Where the father knew curing the disease was hopeless and just wanted his son to be as happy as possible before the end, the colleague spent his time arguing that treatment was still a viable option, and that perhaps the father could perfect his design of the nanites in the meantime. I felt like I needed a foil beyond the "snakes" because a strong portion of the story took place before the boy succumbed to his symptoms.
Chris didn't have a huge problem with the inclusion of the colleague in the script. What he had a problem with was my choice to make the colleague the driving force behind the story. The colleague was the one who witnessed the miraculous recovery of the boy, along with the father, and the colleague was the one who provided the narratative at the end. It was a larger role than the character needed to have. Chris and I butted heads over it for a while, at one point considering setting the ending in a classroom, years after the nanobot had saved the boy, with the colleague as a teacher instructing a roomful of youngsters all with their own nanobot pets. We'd even gotten to the point where I wrote a script with that exact ending. But when I sent it to Chris, fully expecting him to love it body and soul (even though I had my own reservations about it), he sent me back an email that changed everything. And we'll talk about that email and what came of the story because of it next time.
Friday, February 12, 2010
ONE WORD - WEEK 5 - GLANCE
So this is my twentieth post of the new year. Woo! I think twenty posts in less than a month and a half is about as productive as you're going to see me be with this blog. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep it up. Didn't get around to doing a DWPFF Journey entry this week, or this would have been my twenty-first post, but I promise to have that done early next week.
The word for my fifth week doing this exercise was glance. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I had two immediate ideas about this one. The first was a Spider-Man story. I'd planned to take a long look at how Spidey survives taking all those harrowing punches from superhuman menaces. The idea was that basically he turns them all into glancing blows. The reason that idea came to mind is that while I'm striving to be a comic book writer, I haven't written any scripts to this point featuring comic book-style heroes. Not to say that I need to do that, or that that's what comic books are all about, because I don't believe that for a second. But it was just something that came to mind while I was considering the word I'd received. My second idea is the one I ultimately wrote about, and is directly below for your reading pleasure. I tried something a little different with this one, as there's no dialogue at all. I've told the story entirely within the confines of the panel descriptions. Did it work? I have no clue. But this was the easiest one word installment to date, so I'm either getting better at this or I just need to start cutting the dialogue from ALL my stories.
PAGE ONE
Panel 1. A teenage boy is sitting at the end of a long table in a crowded lunchroom. He has a tray of food in front of him with an apple, a pint of milk and an open bag of chips with a few spilling out. He’s holding a sandwich in his hands and eyeing it hungrily. There’s a lot of traffic in the lunchroom as other teenagers march to other tables holding their own trays of food, eat and chat amongst themselves and cause other types of lunchroom ruckus. The teenage boy holding the sandwich is at the center of it all, and there are only a few people sitting at his table. Nobody is sitting very close to him.
Panel 2. The teenage boy takes a large, glorious bite out of his sandwich.
Panel 3. The teenage boy has his mouth packed with food, with crumbs of it dropping from his lips and chin, and is looking over in the direction of a girl that is walking past his table. We are looking at the boy as he does this, so we should only be able to see the portion of the girl that is level with the boy’s head – basically the area of her torso and hips. She’s holding her own tray of food and making her way past the boy to some other table.
Panel 4. The girl is glancing back at the boy with a slightly flirty smile on her face as he looks up at her. His mouth has parted somewhat in astonishment that this attractive girl is paying him any notice at all.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1. We see the girl preparing to sit down at her own table one or two tables beyond the table the boy is sitting at. He is staring at her from his spot in the background, his mouth still partially agape. There are a number of girls sitting at the table the girl has chosen, and she seems pleased to see them.
Panel 2. The boy has his hand on his chin now and has a slightly slumped posture. His face has a dreamy expression, and his sandwich has been completely forgotten as he stares into space and begins to daydream.
Panel 3. The boy is sitting in a classroom at his high school. The girl is sitting beside him in the classroom and is passing him a very obvious love note (frilly paper folded into a heart or something like that). She is passing it to him with an underhand motion, in the standard high school technique. Other students are oblivious to what the couple is doing, and the teacher is writing something on the blackboard or going over a lesson and not paying a lick of attention. We are in the boy’s daydream now, so perhaps there’s a foggy quality to this panel and the others to follow.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are walking home from school, and they’re holding hands kind of awkwardly. This is an entirely different period of time, not necessarily the same day as the passing of the notes, so giving them a different set of clothes or something of that nature would be fine. We’re basically just establishing the development of their relationship as it continues to be processed in the boy’s imagination.
Panel 5. The boy is in the living room of the girl’s house. She’s sitting next to him on the couch as the boy meets her parents for the first time. The girl seems very happy to be showing her boyfriend off to her parents. The father of the girl is sitting in a comfortable recliner glaring somewhat menacingly at the boy. The boy is extremely uncomfortable, and his expression should emphasize that. He might even be squirming a bit or pulling at the collar of his shirt or something like that. The mother of the girl is entering the living room with some snacks and seems very chipper.
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. The boy and the girl are dressed in formal attire at their final dance of high school (prom). They are gazing lovingly at one another as they dance together. Other couples are dancing around them, but they’re the primary focus of the scene. The theme of the dance can be anything that suits your fancy, but there should be some sort of banner explaining that this is prom. A band is playing music on a stage near the dance floor, and a few teachers are observing the action so it doesn’t get too hot or heavy.
Panel 2. The boy is nervously placing money on the desk of an employee in the lobby of a hotel. He has one hand placing bills on the counter, and the other is in his pocket. There should be some kind of sign on the desk or other indications (like people entering an elevator with baggage, a bellhop carrying luggage, something like that) that this is a hotel. The employee behind the desk is looking at the boy with narrowed eyes and a bit of a sneer. The boy is grinning sheepishly, obviously embarrassed. The girl is standing a bit away from the desk looking around absently at the scenery of the lobby of the hotel, obviously trying to avoid any eye contact whatsoever with the employee behind the desk.
Panel 3. The boy is standing by an idling car parked next to the curb near the girl’s house. The car is loaded with luggage. The boy is wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the large initials SCU (some college university) on the front. The father of the girl and the boy are shaking hands, and the father seems to have warmed up to the boy somewhat. The girl and her mother are hugging one another furiously as they say their goodbyes. The car has a sign on it that reads Good Luck or Off To College or something like that.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are at some sort of sports game. They’re sitting together cheering their hearts out. The boy is shirtless, but his face and chest are painted with the school colors and SCU. The girl is wearing the hooded sweatshirt the boy had on in the previous panel and is also wearing gloves, a wooly hat and other articles of clothing to battle the cold. Both of them are breathing visible vapors as they cheer into the cold air.
Panel 5. College has ended, and we’re looking at a moving truck parked in the street outside of an apartment complex. The boy is moving a couch out of the truck and into the apartment complex with the help of one of his buddies. They’re both straining mightily with it. The girl and one of her own friends are holding small boxes and bringing up the rear. They’re chatting with one another happily as the guys struggle.
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1. The boy and the girl are in a beautiful, dimly lit restaurant. The girl is sitting at the table, but the boy is bent down on one knee in the traditional “marriage proposal” pose. He’s looking up at the girl as he opens a small box with an engagement ring inside. The girl is reacting with surprise and happiness at the sudden proposal. If there’s room for it, there might be a couple or two observing the action from their own tables, or perhaps a band or a violinist nearby complimenting the moment with a song.
Panel 2. The boy and the girl are getting married. They’re standing in the foreground with the guests attending the wedding stretching out behind them in the background. It is an outdoor wedding on a bright, sunlit day. The parents of the boy and the girl are sitting in the front row. All of them are watching happily, as are the rest of the guests, but the father of the girl (who was initially a hardcase) is holding a hanky and weeping a bit.
Panel 3. The boy is about to leave home for another day of work. He’s dressed in a suit and holding a briefcase. The girl, his wife, is standing near the door and giving him a kiss on the cheek as he prepares to depart. The girl is visibly pregnant, and holding a thermos of coffee for the boy to take before he leaves.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are in the midst of childbirth in a hospital room. The girl is on the bed, soaked with sweat and straining mightily as a doctor barks orders at her from his position. The boy and the girl are holding hands, and the boy is bent down close to his wife trying his best to support and reassure her with his words.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1. The boy and the girl are sitting in the front row of an auditorium watching their young daughter play the violin. We are looking up at the young child from directly behind the boy and the girl, who are now certainly a man and a woman, as they watch their child perform. The boy and the girl are shoulder to shoulder, and they are leaning their heads toward one another.
Panel 2. The boy, even older now, is standing outside near a stage as the girl hugs her daughter. The child is a teenager now, and is dressed in the cap and gown of a high school graduate. She’s clutching a diploma in her hand. The boy is holding a bouquet of flowers to give to his daughter.
Panel 3. The girl, now an even older woman, is smiling warmly and standing amongst a throng of people all shouting happily in the direction of the boy, now a much older man, as he enters the large living room they’re all gathered in. A banner that reads “Happy Retirement” is strung over the heads of the people gathered in the room. The boy’s daughter, now a grown woman herself, is standing next to her mother and yelling along with everybody else. The boy running a hand through his hair, blown away by the warm reception he’s receiving.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are sitting up together in bed with their legs under the covers. They are even older now – an old man and woman in the twilight years of their life together. There is a bit of knitted fabric and knitting needles on the bed draped over the girl’s legs. The boy is holding a book, but he’s not reading it. The boy and the girl are looking warmly at one another and chatting about pleasant memories.
PAGE SIX
Panel 1. The boy, back in the lunchroom and sitting at his table, is jarred out of his daydream as he is bumped into by an arm, elbow or hip (whatever) attached to a person we cannot completely see. It is another young girl though, so whatever we can see of her clothing should be somewhat feminine.
Panel 2. Another attractive teenage girl is sitting down at the lunch table the boy is sitting at. She has decided to sit a little ways down the table from him, and she accidentally bumped into him as she was getting situated with her own tray of food. She is smiling sheepishly at the boy in an apologetic manner. The boy is looking at the girl with a dumbfounded expression.
Panel 3. The boy is grinning openly at the girl as she has turned to her food and is taking a bite of her own sandwich. She seems oblivious to his newfound affection for her.
Panel 4. The boy has his hand on his chin again and his eyes have the same dreamy quality they had when he started daydreaming previously. He’s succumbed to the power of the glance, and he’s looking at the new girl as he starts to daydream about their life together.
The word for my fifth week doing this exercise was glance. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I had two immediate ideas about this one. The first was a Spider-Man story. I'd planned to take a long look at how Spidey survives taking all those harrowing punches from superhuman menaces. The idea was that basically he turns them all into glancing blows. The reason that idea came to mind is that while I'm striving to be a comic book writer, I haven't written any scripts to this point featuring comic book-style heroes. Not to say that I need to do that, or that that's what comic books are all about, because I don't believe that for a second. But it was just something that came to mind while I was considering the word I'd received. My second idea is the one I ultimately wrote about, and is directly below for your reading pleasure. I tried something a little different with this one, as there's no dialogue at all. I've told the story entirely within the confines of the panel descriptions. Did it work? I have no clue. But this was the easiest one word installment to date, so I'm either getting better at this or I just need to start cutting the dialogue from ALL my stories.
PAGE ONE
Panel 1. A teenage boy is sitting at the end of a long table in a crowded lunchroom. He has a tray of food in front of him with an apple, a pint of milk and an open bag of chips with a few spilling out. He’s holding a sandwich in his hands and eyeing it hungrily. There’s a lot of traffic in the lunchroom as other teenagers march to other tables holding their own trays of food, eat and chat amongst themselves and cause other types of lunchroom ruckus. The teenage boy holding the sandwich is at the center of it all, and there are only a few people sitting at his table. Nobody is sitting very close to him.
Panel 2. The teenage boy takes a large, glorious bite out of his sandwich.
Panel 3. The teenage boy has his mouth packed with food, with crumbs of it dropping from his lips and chin, and is looking over in the direction of a girl that is walking past his table. We are looking at the boy as he does this, so we should only be able to see the portion of the girl that is level with the boy’s head – basically the area of her torso and hips. She’s holding her own tray of food and making her way past the boy to some other table.
Panel 4. The girl is glancing back at the boy with a slightly flirty smile on her face as he looks up at her. His mouth has parted somewhat in astonishment that this attractive girl is paying him any notice at all.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1. We see the girl preparing to sit down at her own table one or two tables beyond the table the boy is sitting at. He is staring at her from his spot in the background, his mouth still partially agape. There are a number of girls sitting at the table the girl has chosen, and she seems pleased to see them.
Panel 2. The boy has his hand on his chin now and has a slightly slumped posture. His face has a dreamy expression, and his sandwich has been completely forgotten as he stares into space and begins to daydream.
Panel 3. The boy is sitting in a classroom at his high school. The girl is sitting beside him in the classroom and is passing him a very obvious love note (frilly paper folded into a heart or something like that). She is passing it to him with an underhand motion, in the standard high school technique. Other students are oblivious to what the couple is doing, and the teacher is writing something on the blackboard or going over a lesson and not paying a lick of attention. We are in the boy’s daydream now, so perhaps there’s a foggy quality to this panel and the others to follow.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are walking home from school, and they’re holding hands kind of awkwardly. This is an entirely different period of time, not necessarily the same day as the passing of the notes, so giving them a different set of clothes or something of that nature would be fine. We’re basically just establishing the development of their relationship as it continues to be processed in the boy’s imagination.
Panel 5. The boy is in the living room of the girl’s house. She’s sitting next to him on the couch as the boy meets her parents for the first time. The girl seems very happy to be showing her boyfriend off to her parents. The father of the girl is sitting in a comfortable recliner glaring somewhat menacingly at the boy. The boy is extremely uncomfortable, and his expression should emphasize that. He might even be squirming a bit or pulling at the collar of his shirt or something like that. The mother of the girl is entering the living room with some snacks and seems very chipper.
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. The boy and the girl are dressed in formal attire at their final dance of high school (prom). They are gazing lovingly at one another as they dance together. Other couples are dancing around them, but they’re the primary focus of the scene. The theme of the dance can be anything that suits your fancy, but there should be some sort of banner explaining that this is prom. A band is playing music on a stage near the dance floor, and a few teachers are observing the action so it doesn’t get too hot or heavy.
Panel 2. The boy is nervously placing money on the desk of an employee in the lobby of a hotel. He has one hand placing bills on the counter, and the other is in his pocket. There should be some kind of sign on the desk or other indications (like people entering an elevator with baggage, a bellhop carrying luggage, something like that) that this is a hotel. The employee behind the desk is looking at the boy with narrowed eyes and a bit of a sneer. The boy is grinning sheepishly, obviously embarrassed. The girl is standing a bit away from the desk looking around absently at the scenery of the lobby of the hotel, obviously trying to avoid any eye contact whatsoever with the employee behind the desk.
Panel 3. The boy is standing by an idling car parked next to the curb near the girl’s house. The car is loaded with luggage. The boy is wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the large initials SCU (some college university) on the front. The father of the girl and the boy are shaking hands, and the father seems to have warmed up to the boy somewhat. The girl and her mother are hugging one another furiously as they say their goodbyes. The car has a sign on it that reads Good Luck or Off To College or something like that.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are at some sort of sports game. They’re sitting together cheering their hearts out. The boy is shirtless, but his face and chest are painted with the school colors and SCU. The girl is wearing the hooded sweatshirt the boy had on in the previous panel and is also wearing gloves, a wooly hat and other articles of clothing to battle the cold. Both of them are breathing visible vapors as they cheer into the cold air.
Panel 5. College has ended, and we’re looking at a moving truck parked in the street outside of an apartment complex. The boy is moving a couch out of the truck and into the apartment complex with the help of one of his buddies. They’re both straining mightily with it. The girl and one of her own friends are holding small boxes and bringing up the rear. They’re chatting with one another happily as the guys struggle.
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1. The boy and the girl are in a beautiful, dimly lit restaurant. The girl is sitting at the table, but the boy is bent down on one knee in the traditional “marriage proposal” pose. He’s looking up at the girl as he opens a small box with an engagement ring inside. The girl is reacting with surprise and happiness at the sudden proposal. If there’s room for it, there might be a couple or two observing the action from their own tables, or perhaps a band or a violinist nearby complimenting the moment with a song.
Panel 2. The boy and the girl are getting married. They’re standing in the foreground with the guests attending the wedding stretching out behind them in the background. It is an outdoor wedding on a bright, sunlit day. The parents of the boy and the girl are sitting in the front row. All of them are watching happily, as are the rest of the guests, but the father of the girl (who was initially a hardcase) is holding a hanky and weeping a bit.
Panel 3. The boy is about to leave home for another day of work. He’s dressed in a suit and holding a briefcase. The girl, his wife, is standing near the door and giving him a kiss on the cheek as he prepares to depart. The girl is visibly pregnant, and holding a thermos of coffee for the boy to take before he leaves.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are in the midst of childbirth in a hospital room. The girl is on the bed, soaked with sweat and straining mightily as a doctor barks orders at her from his position. The boy and the girl are holding hands, and the boy is bent down close to his wife trying his best to support and reassure her with his words.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1. The boy and the girl are sitting in the front row of an auditorium watching their young daughter play the violin. We are looking up at the young child from directly behind the boy and the girl, who are now certainly a man and a woman, as they watch their child perform. The boy and the girl are shoulder to shoulder, and they are leaning their heads toward one another.
Panel 2. The boy, even older now, is standing outside near a stage as the girl hugs her daughter. The child is a teenager now, and is dressed in the cap and gown of a high school graduate. She’s clutching a diploma in her hand. The boy is holding a bouquet of flowers to give to his daughter.
Panel 3. The girl, now an even older woman, is smiling warmly and standing amongst a throng of people all shouting happily in the direction of the boy, now a much older man, as he enters the large living room they’re all gathered in. A banner that reads “Happy Retirement” is strung over the heads of the people gathered in the room. The boy’s daughter, now a grown woman herself, is standing next to her mother and yelling along with everybody else. The boy running a hand through his hair, blown away by the warm reception he’s receiving.
Panel 4. The boy and the girl are sitting up together in bed with their legs under the covers. They are even older now – an old man and woman in the twilight years of their life together. There is a bit of knitted fabric and knitting needles on the bed draped over the girl’s legs. The boy is holding a book, but he’s not reading it. The boy and the girl are looking warmly at one another and chatting about pleasant memories.
PAGE SIX
Panel 1. The boy, back in the lunchroom and sitting at his table, is jarred out of his daydream as he is bumped into by an arm, elbow or hip (whatever) attached to a person we cannot completely see. It is another young girl though, so whatever we can see of her clothing should be somewhat feminine.
Panel 2. Another attractive teenage girl is sitting down at the lunch table the boy is sitting at. She has decided to sit a little ways down the table from him, and she accidentally bumped into him as she was getting situated with her own tray of food. She is smiling sheepishly at the boy in an apologetic manner. The boy is looking at the girl with a dumbfounded expression.
Panel 3. The boy is grinning openly at the girl as she has turned to her food and is taking a bite of her own sandwich. She seems oblivious to his newfound affection for her.
Panel 4. The boy has his hand on his chin again and his eyes have the same dreamy quality they had when he started daydreaming previously. He’s succumbed to the power of the glance, and he’s looking at the new girl as he starts to daydream about their life together.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him
We have the technology. We can make him better than he was before. Better, faster, stronger...
Any other fans of the 6 Million Dollar Man out there? I know I'm not the only one.
Anyway, I finished up my one word script today. Can't believe how quickly I got it done. I'll probably take a look at it once or twice before posting it on Friday, and that might give me a chance to polish it up a bit, which is something I haven't had a chance to do with my other entries thus far. The whole idea of the one word project I'm doing is primarily to write. I'm not usually worried about editing these things before I post them or anything like that. That's not to say that I don't read over them after they've been posted to figure out where I went wrong, and when I post them up on Digital Webbing, Penciljack and places like that I try to respond and learn from the criticism I receive. So it is a learning process, and the ultimate goal is to take all the valuable information I'm getting from these and apply that info to the next script in line.
One thing I will say about this script before Friday arrives is that I actually did a written layout of the panels before I moved into the scripting phase of it. What I mean is that I wrote down brief descriptions of panels that I'd like to see one after the other, and then I took those sparse panel descriptions and decided where the page break would be. It's something that I've done occasionally before, but I'd probably say that the majority of my writing (especially in regards to this project) is done without much planning ahead.
Is that one of the reasons I can't write on as consistent a basis as I'd like? I suppose it's a strong possibility. So what I've decided to do is try and layout my future one word scripts in the same manner as this one to see if it eases the process for me. It's a little more work, yeah, but if it reduces the difficulty I have during the scripting process it's definitely worth it, and it might be something I can apply to the larger projects I'm working on. One of the whole ideas behind this is to improve my productivity and effectiveness as a writer, so let's hope I'm on the right track. It's either that or become a cyborg like my boy Steve Austin.
Any other fans of the 6 Million Dollar Man out there? I know I'm not the only one.
Anyway, I finished up my one word script today. Can't believe how quickly I got it done. I'll probably take a look at it once or twice before posting it on Friday, and that might give me a chance to polish it up a bit, which is something I haven't had a chance to do with my other entries thus far. The whole idea of the one word project I'm doing is primarily to write. I'm not usually worried about editing these things before I post them or anything like that. That's not to say that I don't read over them after they've been posted to figure out where I went wrong, and when I post them up on Digital Webbing, Penciljack and places like that I try to respond and learn from the criticism I receive. So it is a learning process, and the ultimate goal is to take all the valuable information I'm getting from these and apply that info to the next script in line.
One thing I will say about this script before Friday arrives is that I actually did a written layout of the panels before I moved into the scripting phase of it. What I mean is that I wrote down brief descriptions of panels that I'd like to see one after the other, and then I took those sparse panel descriptions and decided where the page break would be. It's something that I've done occasionally before, but I'd probably say that the majority of my writing (especially in regards to this project) is done without much planning ahead.
Is that one of the reasons I can't write on as consistent a basis as I'd like? I suppose it's a strong possibility. So what I've decided to do is try and layout my future one word scripts in the same manner as this one to see if it eases the process for me. It's a little more work, yeah, but if it reduces the difficulty I have during the scripting process it's definitely worth it, and it might be something I can apply to the larger projects I'm working on. One of the whole ideas behind this is to improve my productivity and effectiveness as a writer, so let's hope I'm on the right track. It's either that or become a cyborg like my boy Steve Austin.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Slogging along...
...singing a song!
Ahem.
Yeah, so this week started off a little poorly. Had a hellacious time at the day job yesterday. It happens from time to time, but this one was so bad that I barely remembered or even had the time to visit oneword.com and acquire my word for the week. I did remember to do it eventually though, and no, the word isn't slog. Although that would be one heck of a word for the week. The word I did get has me pondering a little bit more than I usually like to on a script I need to finish in my spare time within a 5 day deadline. I have two ideas for stories, but I'm not sure which of the two I'm going to go with. So that's a bit of a pain, but I plan to make the decision and get started at some point today.
I'll probably also write up my next DWPFF entry tomorrow. There's actually been quite a bit of activity concerning the project over at the Digital Webbing boards lately. Most of it has been fairly positive, including the posting of a nearly-finished page from my own story in the "work journal" thread, but there's been a bit of negativity as well. I suppose it's to be expected with any project on as large a scale as this one is. There are 50+ creators to deal with, all with their own ideas and special set of circumstances. I do not envy Chris Stevens his workload, and I sympathize with him a great deal, but most of all I admire him for pressing on in the face of all the adversity.
I recently re-connected with an artist I had been working with on a project last year that got derailed. We've talked briefly about possibly picking it back up again. It would be months down the line, as we're both entrenched with other concerns at the moment, but it's always nice to have another project in the pipeline to think about. Keeps the days from getting dull. More tomorrow.
Ahem.
Yeah, so this week started off a little poorly. Had a hellacious time at the day job yesterday. It happens from time to time, but this one was so bad that I barely remembered or even had the time to visit oneword.com and acquire my word for the week. I did remember to do it eventually though, and no, the word isn't slog. Although that would be one heck of a word for the week. The word I did get has me pondering a little bit more than I usually like to on a script I need to finish in my spare time within a 5 day deadline. I have two ideas for stories, but I'm not sure which of the two I'm going to go with. So that's a bit of a pain, but I plan to make the decision and get started at some point today.
I'll probably also write up my next DWPFF entry tomorrow. There's actually been quite a bit of activity concerning the project over at the Digital Webbing boards lately. Most of it has been fairly positive, including the posting of a nearly-finished page from my own story in the "work journal" thread, but there's been a bit of negativity as well. I suppose it's to be expected with any project on as large a scale as this one is. There are 50+ creators to deal with, all with their own ideas and special set of circumstances. I do not envy Chris Stevens his workload, and I sympathize with him a great deal, but most of all I admire him for pressing on in the face of all the adversity.
I recently re-connected with an artist I had been working with on a project last year that got derailed. We've talked briefly about possibly picking it back up again. It would be months down the line, as we're both entrenched with other concerns at the moment, but it's always nice to have another project in the pipeline to think about. Keeps the days from getting dull. More tomorrow.
Friday, February 5, 2010
ONE WORD - WEEK 4 - SNAP
Yes indeed, my word for week 4 of this exercise was "SNAP". This word gave me some trouble as I tried to figure out what to write about. I started thinking about things that could potentially snap, such as a neck, a temper, a towel, a football, etc. Once I had a fairly significant list of things to snap, I decided I didn't really want to write about any of them exclusively. So I decided to try and write about them all. My goal with this script was to put a reference to snapping of some sort in each and every panel. I managed to do that, but I'm not sure how well it all flows together. This is my shortest script, coming in at 4 pages. After 4 weeks of this, I'm averaging 5 pages per script, which was my goal from the beginning.
PAGE ONE
Panel 1. A football is being snapped into the hands of a quarterback by the center of a football team.
QUARTERBACK:
Hike!
Panel 2. Three guys are sitting around in a sparsely-furnished apartment. Each of the guys is in their very early twenties. Joe is tall and athletic white male with blond hair. Matt is a shorter white male, and is a little bit overweight. He has brown hair and a light beard. Rob is a black male somewhere in between Joe and Matt as far as size is concerned. Rob has thick glasses perched on his face. Joe is jumping up from the couch as he watches the quarterback who took the snap throw an interception on the large television screen. Matt and Rob are playing a card game on the table behind the couch. There are a few bowls of food on the table, including a large bowl of carrot sticks.
JOE:
Not an interception! God--I hate our quarterback! He’s such an idiot!
ROB:
That’s kind of a snap judgment, don’t you think?
Panel 3. Joe has turned to face Rob and Matt now, his expression one of annoyance. Rob and Matt are still intently playing their card game.
JOE:
No, Rob--I don’t think that’s a snap judgment. And neither would you, if you were watching the game. What the hell are you guys doing, anyway?
ROB:
Uh--we’re playing cards. Obviously.
MATT:
Yeah, you ever play Snap?
Panel 4. Joe is holding a clenched fist over his head, with his head hanging limply to the side, as if he is mock hanging himself. Rob and Matt are still playing their game, but Rob is smirking as he speaks.
JOE:
No. And I don’t want to play snap. I’d rather hang myself.
ROB:
Most likely resulting in a snapped neck, which would be apt.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1. Joe is snapping one of the carrot sticks from the bowl on the table in two.
JOE:
Yeah, very funny. And dude, what is up with these snacks? I mean--carrot sticks? What kind of football food is that?
SFX (CARROT STICK):
SNAP!
Panel 2. Rob is looking at Joe as if he’s just come to a startling realization. He’s also snapping his fingers to punctuate his statement. Joe is grousing, and Matt is amused by the whole situation.
ROB:
Hey, I’ve got an idea! If you don’t like it, why don’t you bring your own food next time, you bum?
SFX:
SNAP!
MATT:
Ha ha!
Panel 3. Joe is looking around the room, as if hoping to come across some other food item by chance. Rob and Matt are back to playing their game of Snap.
JOE:
Seriously, you don’t have anything else in here?
ROB:
I might have some rice krispies in a cabinet somewhere.
MATT:
Chock full of vitamins snap, crackle and pop.
Panel 4. Joe has plopped back down onto the couch with exasperation. Matt and Rob have finally stopped playing their card game and are instead mocking Joe openly now.
JOE:
I truly hate you guys.
MATT:
Oh, snap! What a comeback!
ROB:
Yeah. You’re in rare form today, Joe.
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. Joe is using the remote on the television, a sour look on his face. Rob is holding his phone, which is blasting out a ring tone. Matt is eyeing Rob with bemusement.
JOE:
Whatever. I’m changing the channel. This game sucks.
SFX (PHONE):
I’ve got the power!
MATT:
Dude, is that seriously your ring tone?
ROB:
What? It’s a classic.
Panel 2. Matt is leaning over the couch Joe is sitting on, watching and gesturing towards the screen as one professional wrestler performs a snap suplex maneuver on another wrestler.
MATT:
Ah--nice, Joe. You finally put on something good.
JOE:
I can’t believe you think wrestling is better than football. It’s not even real.
MATT:
C’mon, dude--I know it’s scripted, but they’re doing some seriously physical stuff. You can’t fake a snap suplex like that. It takes real athleticism.
Panel 3. Joe lightly swats Matt on the arm to get his attention.
JOE:
We still playing hockey tomorrow?
MATT:
Yeah, definitely. I really need to work on my shooting though. I’m pretty rank.
JOE:
You’ve got a pretty decent snapshot though.
Panel 4. Joe is cocking a thumb behind himself in the direction of Rob, who is still talking on the phone. Both Joe and Matt are amused now as they talk about Rob.
JOE:
This guy might not even go if his lady has her say.
MATT:
I know--she’s got him on a pretty short leash.
JOE:
Yeah! Snapping that whip!
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1. Joe and Matt are reacting with surprise as Rob takes a picture of the two of them using a camera with a very bright flash from his spot behind the couch.
SFX:
SNAP!
MATT:
Hey!
JOE:
What the--?
Panel 2. Rob is holding up the camera he took the picture with, mocking Joe and Matt. The camera has a strap that is around Rob’s neck. Joe has snapped, and is yelling into the air from his spot on the couch. Matt is looking at Joe as if he’s crazy.
ROB:
Just wanted to get some evidence of you two actually watching sweaty men grapple.
JOE:
That’s it!
Panel 3. Joe has come out from around the couch and is snatching the strap of Rob’s camera from around his neck. The strap around Rob’s neck is snapping as Joe tugs on it, while Rob protectively cradles his camera.
JOE:
Gimme that camera!
SFX:
SNAP!
ROB:
Dude! You broke the strap!
Panel 4. Joe is snapping Rob’s hindquarters with the broken camera strap. Rob is still protectively holding onto his camera like a newborn baby while he scampers away. Matt is observing the entire scene, with his hand pressed to his forehead in amazement.
JOE:
So I’ll buy you a new one, ya big baby. Quit your crying.
SFX:
SNAP!
ROB:
Agh! Quit it!
MATT:
And these are my friends...
PAGE ONE
Panel 1. A football is being snapped into the hands of a quarterback by the center of a football team.
QUARTERBACK:
Hike!
Panel 2. Three guys are sitting around in a sparsely-furnished apartment. Each of the guys is in their very early twenties. Joe is tall and athletic white male with blond hair. Matt is a shorter white male, and is a little bit overweight. He has brown hair and a light beard. Rob is a black male somewhere in between Joe and Matt as far as size is concerned. Rob has thick glasses perched on his face. Joe is jumping up from the couch as he watches the quarterback who took the snap throw an interception on the large television screen. Matt and Rob are playing a card game on the table behind the couch. There are a few bowls of food on the table, including a large bowl of carrot sticks.
JOE:
Not an interception! God--I hate our quarterback! He’s such an idiot!
ROB:
That’s kind of a snap judgment, don’t you think?
Panel 3. Joe has turned to face Rob and Matt now, his expression one of annoyance. Rob and Matt are still intently playing their card game.
JOE:
No, Rob--I don’t think that’s a snap judgment. And neither would you, if you were watching the game. What the hell are you guys doing, anyway?
ROB:
Uh--we’re playing cards. Obviously.
MATT:
Yeah, you ever play Snap?
Panel 4. Joe is holding a clenched fist over his head, with his head hanging limply to the side, as if he is mock hanging himself. Rob and Matt are still playing their game, but Rob is smirking as he speaks.
JOE:
No. And I don’t want to play snap. I’d rather hang myself.
ROB:
Most likely resulting in a snapped neck, which would be apt.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1. Joe is snapping one of the carrot sticks from the bowl on the table in two.
JOE:
Yeah, very funny. And dude, what is up with these snacks? I mean--carrot sticks? What kind of football food is that?
SFX (CARROT STICK):
SNAP!
Panel 2. Rob is looking at Joe as if he’s just come to a startling realization. He’s also snapping his fingers to punctuate his statement. Joe is grousing, and Matt is amused by the whole situation.
ROB:
Hey, I’ve got an idea! If you don’t like it, why don’t you bring your own food next time, you bum?
SFX:
SNAP!
MATT:
Ha ha!
Panel 3. Joe is looking around the room, as if hoping to come across some other food item by chance. Rob and Matt are back to playing their game of Snap.
JOE:
Seriously, you don’t have anything else in here?
ROB:
I might have some rice krispies in a cabinet somewhere.
MATT:
Chock full of vitamins snap, crackle and pop.
Panel 4. Joe has plopped back down onto the couch with exasperation. Matt and Rob have finally stopped playing their card game and are instead mocking Joe openly now.
JOE:
I truly hate you guys.
MATT:
Oh, snap! What a comeback!
ROB:
Yeah. You’re in rare form today, Joe.
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. Joe is using the remote on the television, a sour look on his face. Rob is holding his phone, which is blasting out a ring tone. Matt is eyeing Rob with bemusement.
JOE:
Whatever. I’m changing the channel. This game sucks.
SFX (PHONE):
I’ve got the power!
MATT:
Dude, is that seriously your ring tone?
ROB:
What? It’s a classic.
Panel 2. Matt is leaning over the couch Joe is sitting on, watching and gesturing towards the screen as one professional wrestler performs a snap suplex maneuver on another wrestler.
MATT:
Ah--nice, Joe. You finally put on something good.
JOE:
I can’t believe you think wrestling is better than football. It’s not even real.
MATT:
C’mon, dude--I know it’s scripted, but they’re doing some seriously physical stuff. You can’t fake a snap suplex like that. It takes real athleticism.
Panel 3. Joe lightly swats Matt on the arm to get his attention.
JOE:
We still playing hockey tomorrow?
MATT:
Yeah, definitely. I really need to work on my shooting though. I’m pretty rank.
JOE:
You’ve got a pretty decent snapshot though.
Panel 4. Joe is cocking a thumb behind himself in the direction of Rob, who is still talking on the phone. Both Joe and Matt are amused now as they talk about Rob.
JOE:
This guy might not even go if his lady has her say.
MATT:
I know--she’s got him on a pretty short leash.
JOE:
Yeah! Snapping that whip!
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1. Joe and Matt are reacting with surprise as Rob takes a picture of the two of them using a camera with a very bright flash from his spot behind the couch.
SFX:
SNAP!
MATT:
Hey!
JOE:
What the--?
Panel 2. Rob is holding up the camera he took the picture with, mocking Joe and Matt. The camera has a strap that is around Rob’s neck. Joe has snapped, and is yelling into the air from his spot on the couch. Matt is looking at Joe as if he’s crazy.
ROB:
Just wanted to get some evidence of you two actually watching sweaty men grapple.
JOE:
That’s it!
Panel 3. Joe has come out from around the couch and is snatching the strap of Rob’s camera from around his neck. The strap around Rob’s neck is snapping as Joe tugs on it, while Rob protectively cradles his camera.
JOE:
Gimme that camera!
SFX:
SNAP!
ROB:
Dude! You broke the strap!
Panel 4. Joe is snapping Rob’s hindquarters with the broken camera strap. Rob is still protectively holding onto his camera like a newborn baby while he scampers away. Matt is observing the entire scene, with his hand pressed to his forehead in amazement.
JOE:
So I’ll buy you a new one, ya big baby. Quit your crying.
SFX:
SNAP!
ROB:
Agh! Quit it!
MATT:
And these are my friends...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Evolving right before our very eyes!
So the Zuda project I've been working on since the beginning of the year has been tabled for now. The primary reason being that I didn't like the way it was progressing from an art standpoint. The original artist, Dario Carrasco, had a very specific look for the characters involved, and both Dario and I felt we were holding the artist we'd hired for the pitch to an unfair standard. These things tend to happen from time to time, especially when you're doing work that relies on collaboration to get anything done. The artist and I are discussing options for an alternate property to bring to Zuda, so there's still a possibility I'll be able to get something ready in time for the middle months of the competition. Dario and I are discussing an alternate path for the project we had slated for Zuda now too, so things are still shuffling along at a reasonable pace.
My "one word" script is going remarkably well this week. I'm trying a bit of an experiment with it this time around, but I'll talk about that more when I post it up on Friday. I actually think I'll finish it well before the others I've done these first three weeks. That will leave me additional time to write some other things I've been meaning to get to. That's always a good thing.
In other exciting news--I've doubled my followers! So I'd just like to take a second to thank Jason Copland and PJ Magalhaes for occasionally glancing at the blog. Jason is a tremendous artist whose most recent claim to fame is doing work for Image Comics' Perhapanauts series. He's also providing art for one of the stories in the "DWPFF" project I'm always talking about. He updates his blog even more than I update mine, so be sure to check that out. As for PJ, I first met him when I was looking for an inker for one of my projects. PJ is a good guy, and a fine artist in his own right. Thanks again, guys!
My "one word" script is going remarkably well this week. I'm trying a bit of an experiment with it this time around, but I'll talk about that more when I post it up on Friday. I actually think I'll finish it well before the others I've done these first three weeks. That will leave me additional time to write some other things I've been meaning to get to. That's always a good thing.
In other exciting news--I've doubled my followers! So I'd just like to take a second to thank Jason Copland and PJ Magalhaes for occasionally glancing at the blog. Jason is a tremendous artist whose most recent claim to fame is doing work for Image Comics' Perhapanauts series. He's also providing art for one of the stories in the "DWPFF" project I'm always talking about. He updates his blog even more than I update mine, so be sure to check that out. As for PJ, I first met him when I was looking for an inker for one of my projects. PJ is a good guy, and a fine artist in his own right. Thanks again, guys!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The DWPFF Journey - Part 5
So in the last installment, we talked about my "Rikki Tikki Tavi" pitch being accepted into the project and how thrilled I was that it had made the cut. I started sending the editor, Chris Stevens, ideas for how to expand on the pitch and give the story more of a "future spin", as I was still concerned that my pitch was sorely lacking in future elements. Part of that growing concern was brought to the forefront when I visited the Digital Webbing message boards and read through the other ideas being pitched for the book. Some of them were absolutely stellar story ideas with interesting twists that I genuinely felt put mine to shame. As I trudged back to my own little story, I realized I needed to make some major changes if it was going to carry my weight.
I was looking for some guidance, and so I brought up some of my concerns to Chris. Unfortunately, I'd failed to account for the fact that Chris was in the midst of managing the creative vision of numerous other creators as well. He didn't have the time to walk me through my story step-by-step. He could review a finished story, and tell me what worked and what didn't so I could revise it if needed, but it would be impossible for him to tell me what worked and what didn't before I'd even started scripting.
But starting the story was what was concerning me so much. I didn't want to write a story when I wasn't sure if the ideas I had in mind were any good or not. When I thought about it, and compared it to the other ideas that were out there, a story about a kid getting sick and a robot fixing him up just seemed kind of small and inconsequential. These reservations continued to grow in my mind to such a degree that I actually emailed Chris directly and told him I thought it'd be a good idea if I pulled my story from the book. To his credit, Chris didn't beat me about the brows over it. He told me what sold him on the story was the sick little kid, and that he thought it could be good, but if I wasn't into it 100% he couldn't make me be. I told him that I just wasn't sure a story about a sick little kid would work as a "future tale" when all I could think of to give it a futuristic slant was to set it in some kind of hi-tech hospital. That's when Chris took me by the digital lapels and told me to stop being an idiot. I'd never know if the story would be any good until I at least attempted to write it, and he was absolutely right. I was putting the cart before the horse and psyching myself out before I'd even began.
A couple days later Chris emailed me again to let me know he'd divided up some of the editorial work to ease his load. My story had been assigned to a guy named James Powell, the primary reason being that Chris confessed that he was more of an instinctual editor than anything else. He could tell you if something worked or it didn't once it was out there, but that was it. James had a bit more of a hands-on approach, and that was exactly what I needed. While I felt a little strange emailing James concerning everything I'd talked about with Chris, I wanted to get things rolling as quickly as possible so we could hit the ground running.
Emailing James was like a breath of fresh air. First of all, it was nice to be able to talk about everything I'd been thinking about from the very start of the process. And James' response was really refreshing too. He immediately gave me some key points to focus on, including the fact that a small, but still major, part of the original "Rikki Tikki Tavi" was that the family had saved the mongoose from death. That was one of the primary reasons the mongoose was so willing to fight tooth-and-nail for the family. He also mentioned the fact that the mongoose had been a sentient being in the original story, and one of the biggest decisions I had to make as a writer was in deciding whether or not my own mongoose would be. James also keyed on trying to add a hint of desperation to the ingredients of the story. If we could establish that the family had tried pretty much everything and that they were down to their last resort, we could give the story even more emotional volume.
Working with James' comments gave me some newfound confidence in the project, and I developed another pitch a couple of days after we traded emails. Here's what I came up with, raw and uncut...
In the future, only the rich are cared for because only the rich can afford it. At one point a cheap/easy to reproduce nanobot was developed that could have changed all that, but it didn't work. So now the poor suffer without proper care. Maybe the developer of the nanobot is the father of the kid that gets sick, and he turned it into the boy's pet. Then, when the kid gets sick, the nanobot is used as a last resort (or maybe steps up to the plate itself) and over the course of the story we discover the nanobot evolved to grow to love the family/boy. All the nanobot needed was to be taught to love to be able to do its job properly. The boy is saved, and now the poor can be taken care of by the nanobots.
Looking back at this pitch, I don't think it's terrible, but it definitely has problems. The first problem is that I think I pulled away from the "family aspect" of it and incorporated society as a whole instead. The original story is all about the love that a pet has for the family that saved it, and this pitch is trying to expand too far beyond those boundaries. Still, I liked the idea of an advanced machine evolving the ability to love. I felt like there was a correlation to the original in that Rikki Tikki Tavi was a wild animal that was tempered somewhat by the gratitude and love he felt for the family that cared for him. So that part, at least, worked, and I got more solid feedback from James.
He mentioned that I'd really have to think about the journey the nanobot was going to undertake within the boy. How would I depict that effectively? How would the family members on the outside be able to monitor what was going on within? James really felt that the story hinged on how I managed to pull that off, and I was in total agreement. He also expanded on the idea of the family saving the nanobot. He suggested giving the nanobot more personality by showing emotions such as sadness regarding its inability to function correctly, gratitude regarding it being saved from the incinerator, and eventually love for the boy as it fought to save him. The emails that James sent with these suggestions were the building blocks for the first draft of my "Rikki Tikki Tavi" script. Next time we'll talk about how I used the advice that James gave me to write my first script, and how I just totally and completely missed the mark.
I was looking for some guidance, and so I brought up some of my concerns to Chris. Unfortunately, I'd failed to account for the fact that Chris was in the midst of managing the creative vision of numerous other creators as well. He didn't have the time to walk me through my story step-by-step. He could review a finished story, and tell me what worked and what didn't so I could revise it if needed, but it would be impossible for him to tell me what worked and what didn't before I'd even started scripting.
But starting the story was what was concerning me so much. I didn't want to write a story when I wasn't sure if the ideas I had in mind were any good or not. When I thought about it, and compared it to the other ideas that were out there, a story about a kid getting sick and a robot fixing him up just seemed kind of small and inconsequential. These reservations continued to grow in my mind to such a degree that I actually emailed Chris directly and told him I thought it'd be a good idea if I pulled my story from the book. To his credit, Chris didn't beat me about the brows over it. He told me what sold him on the story was the sick little kid, and that he thought it could be good, but if I wasn't into it 100% he couldn't make me be. I told him that I just wasn't sure a story about a sick little kid would work as a "future tale" when all I could think of to give it a futuristic slant was to set it in some kind of hi-tech hospital. That's when Chris took me by the digital lapels and told me to stop being an idiot. I'd never know if the story would be any good until I at least attempted to write it, and he was absolutely right. I was putting the cart before the horse and psyching myself out before I'd even began.
A couple days later Chris emailed me again to let me know he'd divided up some of the editorial work to ease his load. My story had been assigned to a guy named James Powell, the primary reason being that Chris confessed that he was more of an instinctual editor than anything else. He could tell you if something worked or it didn't once it was out there, but that was it. James had a bit more of a hands-on approach, and that was exactly what I needed. While I felt a little strange emailing James concerning everything I'd talked about with Chris, I wanted to get things rolling as quickly as possible so we could hit the ground running.
Emailing James was like a breath of fresh air. First of all, it was nice to be able to talk about everything I'd been thinking about from the very start of the process. And James' response was really refreshing too. He immediately gave me some key points to focus on, including the fact that a small, but still major, part of the original "Rikki Tikki Tavi" was that the family had saved the mongoose from death. That was one of the primary reasons the mongoose was so willing to fight tooth-and-nail for the family. He also mentioned the fact that the mongoose had been a sentient being in the original story, and one of the biggest decisions I had to make as a writer was in deciding whether or not my own mongoose would be. James also keyed on trying to add a hint of desperation to the ingredients of the story. If we could establish that the family had tried pretty much everything and that they were down to their last resort, we could give the story even more emotional volume.
Working with James' comments gave me some newfound confidence in the project, and I developed another pitch a couple of days after we traded emails. Here's what I came up with, raw and uncut...
In the future, only the rich are cared for because only the rich can afford it. At one point a cheap/easy to reproduce nanobot was developed that could have changed all that, but it didn't work. So now the poor suffer without proper care. Maybe the developer of the nanobot is the father of the kid that gets sick, and he turned it into the boy's pet. Then, when the kid gets sick, the nanobot is used as a last resort (or maybe steps up to the plate itself) and over the course of the story we discover the nanobot evolved to grow to love the family/boy. All the nanobot needed was to be taught to love to be able to do its job properly. The boy is saved, and now the poor can be taken care of by the nanobots.
Looking back at this pitch, I don't think it's terrible, but it definitely has problems. The first problem is that I think I pulled away from the "family aspect" of it and incorporated society as a whole instead. The original story is all about the love that a pet has for the family that saved it, and this pitch is trying to expand too far beyond those boundaries. Still, I liked the idea of an advanced machine evolving the ability to love. I felt like there was a correlation to the original in that Rikki Tikki Tavi was a wild animal that was tempered somewhat by the gratitude and love he felt for the family that cared for him. So that part, at least, worked, and I got more solid feedback from James.
He mentioned that I'd really have to think about the journey the nanobot was going to undertake within the boy. How would I depict that effectively? How would the family members on the outside be able to monitor what was going on within? James really felt that the story hinged on how I managed to pull that off, and I was in total agreement. He also expanded on the idea of the family saving the nanobot. He suggested giving the nanobot more personality by showing emotions such as sadness regarding its inability to function correctly, gratitude regarding it being saved from the incinerator, and eventually love for the boy as it fought to save him. The emails that James sent with these suggestions were the building blocks for the first draft of my "Rikki Tikki Tavi" script. Next time we'll talk about how I used the advice that James gave me to write my first script, and how I just totally and completely missed the mark.
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