So the word for my ninth installment of the one word project (where I take a word from oneword.com on Monday and write a short script based on that word to submit to the masses on Friday) was British. I had no clue what to write about, and I was too busy this week to research the British Isles and come up with something extraordinarily clever as a play on the word. So instead I decided I'd write a story about the Hex Heroes that Jamie Roberts (he's from England!) has been creating recently. For those not in the know, Jamie has been working up headshots for various characters and asking people on Digital Webbing and over at DeviantArt to name them. Once he had enough name suggestions he set up a voting process over on his DeviantArt page that I believe is still ongoing. I didn't necessarily use the names that are garnering the most votes at present, and instead used the names I liked the best. This is just a silly script that took me less than a few hours to write. But it was fun.
If you want to see the characters check out the Hex Heroes thread at Digital Webbing
And if you want to vote for the names you like best visit Jamie Roberts' DeviantArt account
Panel 1. We’re inside a bank, and one of its walls is being smashed in from the outside by Wrecking Ball. His head is crashing through the wall, and he’s snarling menacingly as he bursts through.
Panel 2. Wrecking Ball, Optic, Recluse, Magenta and the Bubblegum Shark are all standing in the open area Wrecking Ball created by smashing the bank wall. Wrecking Ball’s head is detached from his body, and there is a sturdy chain leading from his head to his closed fist. The patrons of the bank are looking at the five villains with distressed and fearful expressions.
We’re here to make a withdrawal!
Panel 1. Cueball, a super speedster, is racing down the street towards the bank at a ridiculously fast pace. He’s speaking into a miniature wrist communicator.
This is Cueball reporting. There’s trouble down here at the Hex National Bank! I’m moving to intercept, but you guys better get here fast!
Panel 2. Blind Patriot and Ashtray are standing around the water cooler in their superhero headquarters. Blind Patriot is smoking his trademark cigarette. They’re both trying to decipher the garbled message coming through their wrist communicators.
SFX (wrist communicators):
This is… WOOOOOOOOSH!
You catch any of that?
Nope. You were saying?
Panel 3. Blind Patriot and Ashtray continue to talk while Blind Patriot flicks the ash from his cigarette onto Ashtray. Ashtray is extremely annoyed by this.
Right, yeah--so what I was saying is that this country, the good ol’ US of A, is the greatest country around. And if you don’t like it, you should just leave, because we don’t want your kind mucking up the red, white and blue for the rest of us, ya dig?
Uh huh. So basically what you always say. And hey, I really wish you wouldn’t flick your ash on me.
You’re the Ashtray--our superhero butler. What else am I gonna do with it?
Panel 4. Tuning Fork approaches the other two heroes and is talking in their direction animatedly. Blind Patriot is cocking a thumb over his shoulder in the opposite direction.
Team! I just received a communiqué from Cueball! There’s trouble down at the Hex National Bank! Where’s Tenta-Cool and Bucky Spitcurl?
They’re in a backroom somewhere playing hide the tentacle, I imagine. Was that what that radio signal was? How’d you manage to figure it out?
Panel 5. Tunning Fork is gesturing to the tuning fork attached to his head. Ashtray is walking away from the water cooler dispiritedly, and Blind Patriot is calling after him.
My tuning fork makes deciphering any auditory signals a snap. But there’s no time to talk about that now. Ashtray! Get back there and find our missing members. We’ve got to get to the bank!
And keep a sharp eye so you don’t slip in the slime.
Ugh. Yeah, thanks.
Panel 1. Cueball is dashing through the bank at top speed, colliding with the villains within like a human pinball. The villains are sturdy enough that Cueball’s actions are little more than an annoyance. Magenta has raised a shield of magenta-colored solid light around herself, and the others are too powerful for Cueball to do any significant damage to.
This is getting quite tiresome.
Panel 2. Optic watches Cueball as he dashes from villain to villain, colliding into them.
Yes, it appears Cueball’s sleek exterior is resistant to both Recluse’s webbing and Bubblegum Shark’s, er… gummy frame. Luckily I have a solution of my own.
Panel 3. Optic is tracking Cueball using his technologically-advanced eyes, almost like the heads-up display of a fighter jet.
Panel 4. Optic takes out Cueball with a blast of red energy from his eyes.
Panel 5. Wrecking Ball is looking up and speaking to Optic from his position on the floor. His body is wringing the chain in his hands in frustration. Optic is looking down at the unconscious Cueball.
Let me smash this yahoo, boss! He’s been a pain in my backside ever since we were kids.
No, Wrecking Ball. Though I’d enjoy disposing of your brother as much as you would, we may need him once the rest of his team arrives.
Panel 1. The heroes show up in the area where the bank wall once stood. Bucky Spitcurl and Tenta-Cool are now gathered with Tuning Fork, Ashtray and Blind Patriot. Bucky Spitcurl is standing in-between Blind Patriot and Tenta-Cool.
You won’t have the chance, Optic!
Panel 2. Blind Patriot is talking to Bucky Spitcurl and gesturing with the cigarette in his hands at her head. She’s scowling at him in response.
You got a little slime behind your ear, doll. Want me to get it?
You couldn’t see it even if it really was there, so shut it.
Panel 3. Tuning Fork is pointing forward in an inspiring pose as the heroes spring into action around him. Tenta-Cool is reaching forward towards Bubblegum Shark with the tentacles lining his head. Bucky Spitcurl and Blind Patriot dash for Recluse. Ashtray makes a beeline for Magenta.
Take them down, team!
Panel 4. Blind Patriot has flicked the smoldering cigarette he was holding into one of the eyes of Recluse. Recluse fires webbing from his mouth blindly at Bucky Spitcurl, who is dodging the spray of webbing easily.
Blast you, Blind Patriot! That was a cheap shot!
Don’t know what you’re complaining about, Recluse. You’ve got seven other eyes to look out of, don’t you?
Panel 5. Bucky Spitcurl is punching Recluse’s lights out as Blind Patriot watches something off-panel. Blind Patriot has a disgusted look on his face.
And they’ll all be seeing stars!
SFX (from off-panel):
Aw, now that just sounds wrong.
Panel 1. Tenta-Cool and Bubblegum Shark are stuck together in a slimy, gummy mess. Tenta-Cool is trying to pull his tentacles free of Bubblegum Shark, but the gum covering Bubblegum Shark’s hide is making it impossible to do, and they’ve pulled and yanked one another into very awkward positions.
Uh--a little help, guys?
Panel 2. All the rest of the heroes and villains that remain standing are watching with disgusted fascination as Tenta-Cool and Bubblegum Shark continue to sloppily flail around with one another. Tuning Fork and Optic are in the midst of a death-grip, but even their fighting has come to an abrupt halt.
Panel 3. Tuning Fork has taken his hands off of Optic and is throwing them up in the air in exasperation.
Okay, that’s it! I can’t stand it any longer! I propose a truce until we can get those two un-stuck. It’s seriously grossing me out!
Agreed. I just… I don’t have the words for how foul that looks.
Panel 4. Ashtray is pointing in the direction of Tenta-Cool and Bubblegum Shark as they continue to struggle. Magenta is nodding her head in agreement at him.
All I know is I’m not cleaning up after this mess.
Panel 1. The two teams are standing in front of the damaged bank, facing one another. Bubblegum Shark and Tenta-Cool are both extremely embarrassed by the situation. Tenta-Cool has strips of bubblegum still stuck to various portions of his body, and Bubblegum Shark is missing hunks of gum from his frame. Recluse has a bandage over one of his eyes, and is being supported by Magenta and Wrecking Ball. Cueball is being tended to by Bucky Spitcurl as Ashtray and Blind Patriot look on. Optic and Tuning Fork are standing near one another. All of them have bits of slime or bubblegum on them in various places.
Three hours later.
Panel 2. Optic and Tuning Fork are having an awkward conversation. Tuning Fork has some gum strung between the rods of the tuning fork on his head.
So, uh… yeah. I really don’t think this needs to go any farther today. You guys gave the money back, so I think we’re good.
Yes, well… we won’t be thanking you or anything. We could still beat you if we wanted to, but I just really don’t ever want to think about this day ever again.
Panel 3. Tuning Fork and Optic are moving away from each other now, only half-heartedly looking back and gesturing.
You, uh---you got a little gum on your hands there.
There’s a little bit of it sticking to your tuning fork, actually. I didn’t want to say anything.
Panel 4. The heroes are walking away from the scene of the battle. Tenta-Cool is walking with the team, but most of the heroes are keeping their distance from him. Bucky Spitcurl is nearest to Tenta-Cool, but even she is a little hesitant to get near him now. Blind Patriot is sparking up another cigarette.
This was the worst super-battle ever.